Unshaken

I can’t quite remember what brought me back. Only that somethin’ did. Maybe guilt. Maybe idiocy. I ain’t got a clue. Maybe I just ain’t done yet.

My craft cruised a long way, from the unknown, toward the damned known.
My boots ain’t been dry since.

The lake water was lukewarm, dark and thick. Soft orange ripples danced off it, but I still saw my face clear in the reflection. Too fittin’ for my likin’.

My coat clung to me like regret. The fur felt heavier than it should’ve. Didn’t jab my shoulder, just wore me down as we hit mainland. The old trees reached above my hat like ribs in a giant’s chest, and I kept lookin’ up… hopeful.

Prayin’.

That I’d see the sky shine once more… or if God had packed up and left with the sun. I didn’t say a word when my foot hit that creaky wood.

Couldn’t.

Didn’t trust what’d come out. Just lingered in whatever was left of what I felt.

Sin’s a hard thing to outride. The longer I stay still, the more it gnaws at me. That’s why I’m movin’. To outpace the man I once was.

Didn’t even ask for the horse. Gently untied it from the hitched wood and swung up like it were mine. Didn’t check if anyone saw me.

Didn’t care.

That beast didn’t kick or neigh. Almost like she knew what I needed… or what I was runnin’ from.

The wind cut through my collar, a bitter caress. Gray sky loomed above like wet parchment, thick with waitin’. A low rumble stirred somewhere in the distance… far, but there.

Did I hear a thunder?

Couldn’t be sure. Could’ve been my own damn heartbeat.

Storm’s behind me. Or within. Or both.

Either way, I ain’t turnin’ back. Ain’t now. Ain’t ever.

The trail tugged through tangle and tarnish, thick with thud-thumpin’ mud and moanin’ mist. The horse’s breath came in clouds, steady ‘n alive. The saddle creaked beneath my weight, like old bones complainin’. Yet, still kept my eyes forward, not just for where I was goin’… but to keep from lookin’ back at what might be followin’ still.

The ride grew longer than it oughta’. Or maybe I grew shorter in it.

The weavin’ wind flocked my chest like it had somethin’ to prove. Every breath came a little tighter.

A little shorter. A little bitter.

A weight. Like my ribs were shrinkin’ inward, slow and secret. I rolled my shoulders back, straightened my spine out of habit.

I once was standing tall.

Didn’t know when it shifted. Rode from dusk into the bleed of dawn and wore the ache like a badge , beneath my agin’ bones.

The air came thinner now. Not gone… just less generous.

Like it had been loaned to me, and the lender had started keepin’ count.

I blamed the damp. The breath of swamp. The long nights without a lamp.

Told myself it were nothin’.

But somethin’ lingered in my throat.
Not loud enough…
Just there.
Waiting.

The sky didn’t clear for me.
Didn’t part or shine or offer nothin’ kind. Just hung there, heavy as ever… like it was waitin’ to see what I’d do next.

I kept ridin’.

Didn’t know where it’d end. Didn’t know if there was an end worth reachin’. But my hands stayed firm on the reins. My back held straight, even if it ached for it. Breath came short, but it came.

And that was enough.

World can crash if it wants. Tear itself apart ‘round me.
I ain’t askin’ it to stop.

I’ll ride through it same as I always have… slow, sore, and carryin’ more than I should.

But still ridin’.

Still breathin’.

Still here.

May I stand unshaken.
Amid the crash of the world.